


Scared to be lonely

by 1TheArtOfLosing1



Series: Zelda/Marie One Shots [17]
Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, Attempt at Humor, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Break Up, That moment when you’re drunk and try to fix things with your ex, drunk zelda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:07:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28315038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1TheArtOfLosing1/pseuds/1TheArtOfLosing1
Summary: “Maybe we’re just too different in that matter,” she then added softly, her voice barely louder than a whisper.Marie felt her heart clench. “What do you mean by that?” she asked, scared to death of the answer.Sighing, Zelda lifted her shoulders. “I mean that maybe, that’s just all that we could ever be to each other: A little bit of meaningless fun.”
Relationships: Zelda Spellman/Mambo Marie LaFleur
Series: Zelda/Marie One Shots [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1743508
Comments: 6
Kudos: 34





	Scared to be lonely

**Author's Note:**

> Hiii thanks for reading my fic :)
> 
> I’ve said it before and I will say it again: angst is my favorite thing to write, especially right now. Tomorrow part 4 will be released and I am hella nervous about what is gonna happen to Zarie, so I had to get all of my feelings out and this is the result. 
> 
> This is for everyone who ever confessed things to their ex while drunk, or everyone who was the ex that got stuff confessed to lol
> 
> Special thanks to @seriousoncer for helping me out when I got stuck with a certain scene :D
> 
> Title is from the song by Dua Lipa and Martin Garrix
> 
> Enjoy :))

_Called me crying in the dark_  
_Now you're breaking my heart_  
_So, I show up at your place right away_  
_Wipe the tears off of your face_  
_While you beg me to stay_

_~Conan Gray, “Maniac”_

***

“Where is she?” she asks from the moment the door is opened to let her inside.

“Living room,” Hilda answers simply. Marie nods, and steps away from the other witch, but it soon held back by a gentle, but firm hand on her wrist. “Drunk Zelda is a whole different person, so be prepared. And no matter what you do, _do not_ , and I repeat: do _not_ take the bottle from her,” she warns, before letting go.

Again, Marie nods her head, before storming to the living room.

When she enters the room, she finds no one there. She looks around, confused, before breaking the silence by calling out: “Zelda?”

A muffled, “ _Marie_?” comes from somewhere behind the couch, and the voodoo priestess lets out a breath of relief.

With light steps, she rounds the couch and finds Zelda sitting on the floor, back resting against the piece of furniture. Her hand is wrapped around a bottle of whisky, and apparently she hasn’t even bothered with a glass. “Marie,” she chokes out again, only this time, it is not a question but a statement.

She then groans loudly, the sound ending in something awfully similar to a whine. “Why are you _here_?” she drawls, before taking a swig from the nearly empty bottle.

“Your sister called me,” Marie states, looking down at Zelda’s tear-stained face. Her makeup is completely ruined: lipstick smudged and mascara running down her cheeks. Her hair is standing in all possible directions and her left pantyhose is ripped all the way down to her ankle. She must have discarded her black heels, since they are lying a few feet away from her, near an empty bottle of some sort of liquor.

Again, she groans. “ _Hilda_...” she murmers, her nose scrunching up in obvious disgust. “When will that girl ever learn to mind her own damn business?”

Marie rolls her eyes lightly, rather in amusement than exasperation. “Can I sit with you?”

“If you are content with sitting on this cold floor, then sure,” she says, lifting her shoulders and throwing her the most forced smile Marie has ever seen.

Still, she crouches, and sits herself down next to the drunk witch, who is currently taking another long drink from the bottle clenched in her hand. Once she swallows and lowers her arm, Marie shifts a little closer. Knowing that asking Zelda what has brought her to drink herself into the state that she is in, has no use, she settles for sweeping a strand of stray red hair out of her former lover’s face and tucking it behind her ear. Instantly, Zelda leans into her touch, just a little, but enough for Marie to notice.

It breaks her heart a tiny bit.

“How many of those have you had?” Marie asks, gesturing towards the empty bottle by her shoes and the one in her hand.

Zelda snorts. “Do I look like I kept count?” 

Marie can’t help but smile, continuing to brush hair out of her face.

“You look like you got hit by a truck,” she says playfully, giving Zelda a cheeky grin.

“We can’t all look as _effortlessly_ beautiful as you, Marie,” Zelda says, rolling her eyes while flailing her empty hand.

“I didn’t say you do not look beautiful, chérie,” Marie clarifies, immediately wanting to bite off her tongue for letting the petname slip.

Zelda’s gaze shoots up, her eyes meeting Marie’s for the first time since they broke things off. They turn sad as she looks at her, and they are red from crying, but still, they look so bright and beautiful. They are greener than any field of grass Marie has ever seen, and warmer than any ray of sunshine that has ever shone upon her skin. They tell tales, even before Zelda opens her mouth to tell them and they hold more love and adoration, than Zelda would ever show.

“I miss you,” Zelda suddenly confesses, her eyes starting to water just a little as she utters the words softly.

“ _Zelda_...” Marie starts, removing her hand from the side of Zelda’s face, but she is cut off.

“I know I made it seem like you don’t mean anything to me, but that was just a load of crap.”

Marie shakes her head, refusing to believe her right now. “You don’t know what you’re saying, you’re drunk.” She can’t bear to get her hopes up, only to be let down once Zelda is sober again.

“I perfectly know what I am saying,” she insists. “I probably wouldn’t dare to say it when I haven’t had at least a few drinks, but that doesn’t make it any less true: _I miss you, Marie_.”

She sounds honest and it would be so easy to just believe her and dive right back into her arms, to forget all of this ever happened, but she can’t. They need to seriously talk about this, otherwise this will just stay a silent problem between the two of them that will haunt them until finally, it catches up with them. Once it does, Marie knows that it will cause even more troubles. She doesn’t want that to happen.

“Please don’t do this.”

“What I told you that day wasn’t true. None of it. I only said those things because I am terrified of giving myself to someone. But after this week of being without you, I have come to realize that being without you terrifies me even more.”

Marie shakes her head, squeezing her eyes shut for just a moment. “Zelda, _please_ stop it.”

“I mean it-“

“So do I, stop it or I am leaving.”

Wide green eyes stare at her in shock, Zelda’s lips tremble and she looks as if she is about to cry. “I’m sorry, chérie. I didn’t mean to raise my voice,” Marie instantly apologises, already regretting the way she had nearly snarled at her.

She lifts the bottle to her lips again, quicly muttering, “It’s okay,” before taking another long gulp.

“Can we talk about this tomorrow?” Marie asks, averting her eyes as she does so.  
Zelda’s lips slip away from the bottle with a soft pop. The room is silent for a few moments, Marie staring ahead of her and Zelda staring at Marie. Her gaze is boring holes right through Marie’s soul, her skin seeming to be on fire. _Why is this so incredibly hard?_

“Yes,” she finally answers.

Marie turns her head, and as soon as her gaze meets Zelda’s, the other witch looks down. “Alright.”

The voodoo priestess shifts her body to get up, but a hand is keeping her down by the arm. “Can you... Can you stay with me? I really don’t wanna be alone tonight.”

Marie skeptically lifts an eyebrow at her.

“Just to sleep, of course,” Zelda clarifies.

She considers her for a moment, she knows it probably isn’t the best thing to do right now, but leaving Zelda alone in this condition is an even worse plan. “I will.”

Zelda lets out a shuddery breath, nodding her head in thanks, before attempting to get up from the floor. From the moment she does, she practically falls down again, but Marie quickly steadies her, before getting up as well.

For a moment, they just stare at each other, Marie’s hands holding Zelda’s tightly. She feels that same spark of electricity course through her veins like every time she looks into that woman’s eyes. That same fond feeling flutters in her chest, and a comfortable heat spreads across her cheeks. Her heart swells with pure adoration for the person in front of her, and she hates herself for it. She hates how quickly she had fallen, how attached she had gotten and how entangled they had become in such a short period of time. Marie cares for Zelda deeply, has nothing but respect for her and wishes her all the luck in the world. There is nothing she wants more than to see her happy, even if it is without her.

Seeing her like this, like such an utter mess, breaks her, because she knows that it is partly her fault. They had both said things they didn’t mean that night. Things that should have never left their lips, but did. Marie regretted so much about that moment, there was so much she wished she could change. And as Zelda looks at her now, Marie knows that she feels the same. She has that same look of sadness and longing lingering in her eyes. She clings to Marie’s hands just as hard as Marie clings to hers. Neither one of them wants to let go of one another, so they just stand there. They stand there in silence, looking at each other without ever breaking eyecontact.

It hurts, and somehow, it’s also nice.

Hesitantly, Zelda slips one of her hands out of Marie’s hold and reaches up to touch her face. Immediately, Marie’s eyes drift shut, Zelda’s fingers dancing along her skin. Her soft touch sends butterflies to her stomach, and she feels her entire body yearn for more. This is so painfully _familiar_ , it feels so normal. It’s like they are supposed to be like this. Like they are supposed to just _be_ with each other.

“ _Marie_...” Zelda whispers. It’s like she wants to say something, but doesn’t know how. Like the words on her tongue won’t leave her mouth.

“I know,” Marie says, eventhough she doesn’t know. She has no idea what Zelda wants, doesn’t know what is going to happen and doesn’t have the faintest idea of what she is feeling right now. “Let’s get you to bed.”

After the quick mutter of a spell, they’re both standing in Zelda’s bedroom. Marie guides Zelda to sit down on her bed, knowing that her legs are a bit weak right now. Once Zelda is seated, she makes her way to the closet and starts going through her clothes, searching for a night gown, when Zelda’s soft voice reaches her ears. “Don’t bother, I’m just going to take off my skirt and blouse.”

She is already in the process of unbuttoning said blouse, while trying to get up from the bed, when Marie rushes to her side to help her.

“Careful there,” Marie warns, steadying her just in time, when her knees start to wobble. “Allow me,” she offers, guiding her to sit down again.

Zelda merely nods, before her eyes drift shut and she allows Marie to help her. Marie quickly takes off her blouse and skirt, before rolling down the bits of her panties that hadn’t been torn apart.

“You have such a huge heart, Marie,” Zelda suddenly mutters, without bothering to open her eyes, a small smile on her lips. “I think that’s what I like most about you.”

 _Like_.

It always comes down to that, doesn’t it? Zelda likes her, but Marie _loves_ her. Oh she loves her with every single inch of that gigantic heart Zelda likes so much and it hurts. It hurts, because if Marie showed her, just how much she loved her, she would only scare her away. Having to pretend that Zelda means as little to her as she does to Zelda, _hurts_. She can’t keep living this lie, can’t keep pushing her feelings away.

Maybe that’s what had went wrong that night. Maybe Zelda had gotten so used to Marie swallowing her thoughts, that she did really scare her away from the moment she stopped. She can’t blame her, come to think of it. They had both thrown somewhat harsh words at each other’s head, had both made mistakes, but if Marie got the chance, she would just forgive and forget all of it in a heartbeat. There is nothing that she wants more than to be with Zelda. She’d do anything to wake up to her face every day of her life, to hear her voice and laugh and to make her smile.

A few moments later, the high priestess is sitting in front of her wearing nothing but her underwear. Marie lies her down and makes sure the duvet is fully covering her, before turning around to shed her own clothes and shoes. She’s about to lie down on Hilda’s old bed, when Zelda makes a sound of protest.

“That was not the deal,” she complains, almost sounding like a pouting child.

Marie rolls her eyes fondly, finding the tone of her voice rather adorable, “I am staying with you, am I not?”

Zelda huffs. “I can barely even see you.” Marie is about to point out the fact that that probably has got something to do with the lack of light in the room, when she pulls back the duvet on the empty side of the bed and impatiently pats it a few times, quickly adding a soft: “ _Please_?”

She doesn’t know if it’s a good idea. Marie had found out rather early on in their relationship that drunk Zelda is a lot more handsy than she normally is, and she isn’t sure if she would have the selfcontrol to turn her away tonight. But, then she thinks of how Zelda had said that she missed her, and how her own heart is aching to be close to her. Marie is many things, but she isn’t made of stone. So hesitantly, she makes her way around the bed and slides under the covers.

Immediately, Zelda turns on her side and snuggles up to her, head resting in the crook of her neck and leg swung over her waist. A content hum leaves Zelda’s throat, her nose brushing against Marie’s skin.

Marie had thought that this would feel good, because she had longed to have her arms around her again, had yearned for it. She had wanted nothing more than to hold her Zelda close to her chest and pretend that everything was okay. That they were still carelessly enjoying each other’s company and the intimacy between them like they were a few weeks earlier. But now that she is, her heart is filled with sorrow and regret.

They’re not supposed to be like this. They’re not supposed to be fighting, to be hurting each other. Zelda is not supposed to be in her arms like _this_ , drunk and sad, because they spent an entire week ignoring each other.

Marie idly wonders how it had come to this. If they couldn’t have just avoided this week of pure pain for the both of them if they had simply _talked_. If they had faced each other and confessed their true feelings.

She briefly thinks about the moment when it all went wrong. She can’t remember exactly what had lead up to that conversation, since the beggining of that particular night is one big blur, but she remembers the ending vividly.

_“Am I not worthy of you trust?”_

_“What? Of course you are, Marie,” Zelda said, sounding like she was just trying to brush her off, trying to avoid **that** conversation once again._

_Shaking her head, Marie threw her a tired smile. “Then why do I feel like you see me as nothing more than a little bit of meaningless fun in your life?”_

_Zelda stared at her, mouth hanging open just a little, before she lowered her head and answered: “Because trusting people is hard for me.”_

_“I know that, Zelda,” Marie said, smiling weakly, “I understand that, but sometimes, I feel like you barely even try to let me in.”_

_Her head snapped up at that, eyes suddenly filled with something that came close to anger at the accusation. “That’s not true and you know it.”_

_“No, actually I **don’t** know.” A chuckle emerged from Marie’s throat. “I don’t know how you expect me to magically know that you’re trying, because you don’t show me and you don’t tell me either.”_

_“Because I don’t know how to show you!” Zelda suddenly shouted, before closing her eyes and bringing a hand to her forehead._

_“Maybe we’re just too different in that matter,” she then added softly, her voice barely louder than a whisper._

_Marie felt her heart clench. “What do you mean by that?” she asked, scared to death of the answer._

_Sighing, Zelda lifted her shoulders. “I mean that maybe, that’s just all that we could ever be to each other: A little bit of meaningless fun.”_

_Instantly, Marie shook her head, lips a thin line, because she refused to believe that. “You are so much more to me than that.”_

_She stared at her then, her eyes sad, but her face unreadable. Marie knew then, that it was over._

**_“That might be the problem.”_ **

Marie had left after that, not needing to hear her say anything else, because Zelda had made herself perfectly clear. Marie had also told her before: she would not stay where she was not wanted, and she had clearly not been wanted any longer. Leaving had stung so much. It had hurt as if she’d been stabbed with a dagger, though she doubts physical pain could make her feel the way she did then. For the first time, she’d had the feeling like they didn’t understand each other. Normally, Zelda knew what she meant by just looking at her, without needing to even hear her say anything. But in that moment, it was as if she had refused to even _hear_ her.

Pushing the memories of that night away, she looks down at Zelda, who is peacefully lying in her arms. Her breathing is calm and regular, the warmth of her body embracing Marie like a soft blanket. Even in the dim light, Marie can tell that her eyes are still open, and are looking at her intently. She is about to ask what is on her mind, when her lips part.

“I’m not like you,” Zelda mutters softly, eyes threatening to drift shut. “I don’t love as easily as you.”

“I am not asking you to be like me,” Marie says truthfully, stroking her arm softly.

“I know,” she sighs, eyes falling shut. She buries her face even deeper against the side of Marie’s neck, before she whispers: “But I wish I was more like you.”

Marie exhales deeply, pulling Zelda a little closer to her and pressing a kiss to her head, the scent of her shampoo catching her nose.

“You are perfect the way you are, chérie,” she says, and she means it. Never in her life has she met anyone who is quite as perfect, as Zelda.

Zelda sighs softly then, her muscles relaxing, and her body going limp, indicating that she has fallen asleep.

They’ll have to talk tomorrow, about a lot of things, and it probably won’t be a very pleasant conversation, but right now, in this moment, all Marie can do is hold Zelda a little tighter and pray. Pray, that the next time she holds her, it will be in better circumstances.

**Author's Note:**

> Alright lads, that was my last fic of the year. I hope you enjoyed reading it
> 
> I’m now gonna wish you all a very happy new year. I hope you all stay happy and healthy, and don’t forget to enter 2021 like the bad bitch that you are :)) 
> 
> I don’t know when I’ll be posting again, it will depend a little on what happens in part 4. I can assure you though that no matter what happens, I will be continuing to write. 
> 
> Aahhh I am literally so scared for Marie and Lilith in part 4, does anyone share that feeling? Idk, lemme know 
> 
> Anyways, thanks for stopping by, and as always, I hope you have a super great day!! xxx
> 
> Tumblr: immacryyowzah  
> Instagram: miranda.all.the.way


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